The Marlin of My Life

I remember when i faced what i thought was going to be the hardest thing to overcome and to get over. I went into a dark place for days and weeks. I became secluded from my family and friends right around the time i should have been enjoying their company. I felt like i had lost my way in life, and like there was no way i was ever going to be me again. I slowly dug myself into a deeper hole of depression and i had to get over it before my depression became who i was.

i remember the how quiet and calm my house was on that night. i remember exactly what time it was when the phone rang and exactly how long the conversation lasted. The loud ringer of the house phone woke me and just about everyone in the house up at 3:03 am. i could tell by the look on my older sister's face that me and her were thinking the same thing. i prayed that deep down what we were thinking about was not true. pieces of me slowly began to deteriorate without even hearing the final words. i tried to push my legs forward to my dads room but my body did everything in its power to keep me in place. when i reached the small hallway that separated me from my parents room, I froze hearing the conversation on the phone.

" hello is this Steve williams?" "Yes" " umm.. I'm so sorry to have to call you at this hour but Lisa williams.. She is your sister right?" "Yes" "we'll sir I am so sorry but Lisa passed away we did everything we could to revive her. We would like for you to come down to the hospital to view and identify the body."

My fathers loud cry brought me back to reality and made me realize that I had just lost what I thought was my everything. I didn't get how my aunt could be at my house on thanksgiving but gone literally 3 days before Christmas.

She was my aunt, my best friend, my partner in crime, my logical side. I felt like I had lost all of me. I went into the darkest stages of my life when she passed. I thought that there was no tomorrow with out her here with me. There were days when I thought I was better off with her than without. Days when I'd cry for 48 hours straight because every little thing reminded me of her.

The day I realized that I had to go on and continue living my life was January 14th.
That day I had a conversation with my cousin (it was her mom that passed.) and she told me how her mothers death changed her so much. She told me that it taught her a lesson that life is too short to spend complaining and moping around. She told me that she wouldn't have completely understood that if she still had her mother and that, that was gods way of telling her she needs to change now. I had to think to myself that if she could go on and smile and love without her mother here, then I can go in and smile and laugh without my aunt here. Each night I prayed that god would get me through it and that I would wake up in the morning with a smile in my face and something to live for and I did.